Quinn's birth story

WARNING: SUPER LONG...I DONT WANT TO FORGET DETAILS OF THE DAY I BECAME A MOM AGAIN!
Disclaimer: Nothing in this post is meant as an insult to people who get/prefer csections or epidurals orrr get induced or whatever your outcome was...this is MY experience and MY feelings toward MY births.. It has nothing to do with others'choices or experiences. In no way do I judge people who do things differently.



Monday, July 13, at 36 weeks I was having some intense pain in my belly. It felt like round ligament pain, but RADIATING all over my entire belly and not letting up. I could not move or get comfortable no matter what I tried. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and try to avoid medicine if I can so it takes a lot for me to even take ibuprofen but I totally did and it didn't help at all. I laid in bed and after 5 hours, I was crying in pain and frustration. The mom of a toddler cannot lay in bed for 5 hours... plus we had so much left to get done in Quinn's nursery and around the house! Taylor and I finally decided to go to L&D to try and figure out why I was in so much pain. They admitted me and kept me over night because I was running fever and dehydrated. But the pain wouldn't let up, I couldn't even stand up on my own to walk to the restroom. Turns out I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes but the overwhelming belly pain wasn't allowing me to even feel the contractions. I really just wanted to get help with the pain, not come home with a baby just yet. Taylor & I were shocked when they said I was dilated to a 4 and completely effaced!! Our nurse said "wow, you are in labor!" and no one was expecting that! I wasn't packed, I hadn't showered that day so I felt gross, my in-laws weren't prepared to keep Tucker yet, plus I despise being hooked up to an IV... so I beggedddddd to go home. I had also ordered these super cute custom matching gowns for me and Quinn but they were still in transit so I still needed those to arrive!! This was just not how I wanted my birth to start out! Finally when my fever broke Tuesday morning, my contractions had also slowed and I was cleared to leave. I immediately went to my chiropractor because she is so helpful and knowledgeable on pain, pregnancy, and getting baby in the optimal position for delivery; I wanted to be prepared since I was so progressed. Over the next week, that horrible belly pain came and went, but mostly stayed. Taylor had to help me use the restroom like I was a 100 years old. Talk about getting close with your spouse!!

I hired a photographer to capture my birth and she had to go out of town for the weekend. She begged me to try and keep Quinn in until she got back, but had a photographer friend who would cover for her in case I ended up in labor. I continued having contractions and they were getting closer and closer together so we decided to go to maternal observation on Saturday just to see what the deal was. I was 37 weeks at that point and this time I was dilated to a 5. My midwife had me walk the halls for 2 hours in hopes of speeding things up...it was SO awful. After she rechecked me but there was no change in dilation. My contractions were 7 minutes apart, but still not close enough to be admitted so they sent me home again. We were still trying to avoid inducing because I desperately wanted a VBAC. Once interventions like pitocin are started, it can result in a cascade of other interventions which raises a chance for c-section. I knew from Tucker's birth that pitocin contractions are so horrible that I wouldn't be able to last without an epidural, again not what I wanted for my birth. I spent the next few days partly trying to induce labor with natural methods, partly feeling guilty over wanting to get her out so badly when I wasn't yet 40 weeks. It was so exciting timing contractions and just waiting for something more to happen! Not scheduling an induction made things much more spontaneous! We went and got spicy wings from Wing Stop which resulted in losing my mucous plug and strengthening contractions. Then things tapered off AGAIN!!

On Tuesday, July 21st I had an 4 pm appointment with the midwives. I knew I was already dilated to a 5 and was having contractions pretty regularly, but I was trying not to get my hopes up that anything was going to come from it. Of course I knew that Quinn needed to cook as long as possible to be healthy, but after a week of nonstop pain, I was pretty ready to go into labor. My midwife, Katie, asked how I was feeling and I mentioned being uncontrollably itchy, especially the bottoms of my feet. She asked if it gets worse at night and I realized it totally did, to the point of staying awake SCRATCHING all night (along with the crazy unexplained belly pain)! We discussed a few other symptoms I was having, and before she excused herself to call the high risk doctor, she said "We might be having a baby today!" Taylor and I looked at each other like, "oh sh*t son!" They took blood to be tested and sent me over to maternal observation to wait and see. Apparently, I looked like a "text book case" of cholestasis so without even getting my blood test results back, the high risk doctor thought it would be best to get the baby out as soon as possible. Cholestasis of pregnancy impairs the flow of bile from the liver. The cause is unclear but eventually, the buildup of bile in the liver allows bile acids to enter the blood stream. It causes no harm to the mother, but it can cause babies to be stillborn which is why it was so important to get her out. The midwives consulted each other and since my cervix was so favorable, we were going to try and just break my water, hopefully sending me into labor so we could try to leave all the drugs out of it. The matching gowns I ordered had arrived and our bags were packed. We'd left some last minute stuff at home since we weren't expecting to stay so Taylor booked it 30 minutes home on the tollway to go grab phone chargers, electronics, and my curling wand! I had been keeping my doula, Megan, and photographer, Cassandra, on high alert since that first hospital visit and luckily Cassandra was back from her trip. The stars were seemingly aligning for this to go as planned.

A bit before 10 pm, the midwife Hannah broke my water; such a bizarre feeling! I had an awesome nurse who was very accommodating and wanted me to get birth I wanted so badly. She went out of her way to hunt down and set up the ONE portable monitor the hospital had so I could move around to control my labor pain because I didn't want to be stuck in the bed. I texted the doula and photog that it was go time, but told them not to rush because it could take awhile for the real action to start. It took me almost no time to find out I was WRONGGGG about that! I cranked up the Britney Spears Pandora station to get me pumped up. Pretty corny but I also jammed out to "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten to empower me for a hopefully healing birth. Soon I was contracting pretty intensely and they were right on top of each other. I was alone still; walking and breathing through the contractions while updating my mom group with labor selfies! Shoutout to #MOMTOURAGE!

Meanwhile, Taylor was trying to rush back; I'll never forget when I told him how intense my contractions were, he replied "hurrying!! I'm approximately 27 minutes away!!" LOL. 27 eh? Good to know! It was getting hard to focus on texting Megan and Cassandra that they actually should rush, but I got it done and everyone was en route! Approximately 27 minutes later, Taylor burst through the doors ready to put our Birth Bootcamp skills to the test. The only techniques we ended up using were deep breathing, heating pads on my lower back while he applied counter pressure, and I leaned on him to sway. I was trying so hard to focus, I didn't notice anyone else in the room. I thought I might be self conscious laboring with a photographer there, especially someone I've known since high school, but she blended in and I was soo comfortable around her. My nurse checked my cervix sometime around 11 because I was positive that I had made progress and wanted to know how much...I was dilated to a 7.5.

By now, I was wanting something mellow and comforting to listen to, and the 90's alternative Pandora station delivered as usual! Counting Crows, Pearl Jam, GooGoo Dolls, and Matchbox 20...heck yeah! There was a moment during the strongest contractions when I told Taylor, "I don't know if I can do this!!" meaning without pain medication of some sort but he encouraged me and assured me that I could totally do it... So glad that deep down he knew my wishes and didn't just buzz for an epidural during a moment of weakness! It sounds kind of corny, but I kept telling myself that any pain I felt was bringing me closer to meeting my little girl, that it served a purpose and my body was made to birth my baby. I think I also kept telling myself something about my cervix opening up like a flower blooming and a baby would come out?! LOL CRAZY BIRTH AFFIRMATIONS!! Don't judge me!!

30 minutes after being estimated to be 7.5cm dilated, I started feeling the urge to push. I can remember being kinda frantic about it, like maybe Quinn was just going to fall out any second. lol. My nurse ran to grab the midwife. I had been laboring in a sports bra and maxi skirt and literally ripped the skirt off like I was on fire and needed to stop, drop, and roll! There was NO denying that feeling! I'm sure my good ol family photographer will forever have these images of me in all my glory burned into her retinas! Modesty went all out the window! Sorry! I don't even remember checking to make sure I was fully dilated, not sure if we did; I guess we just knew.

Pushing gave me a mixture of feelings...It was not painful but it was strenuous... WEIRD, I liked it, but wanted it over at the same time. We tried a few different positions to push in. Everyone was SO motivating and supportive. Megan and Taylor kept reassuring me that I was making progress. They were both amazing to have as my support. I had a cold wet washcloth covering my entire face because I was certain I looked hideous and did not want anyone seeing my "pushing a baby out" face ....Even though every other part of my body was exposed, makes sense right!? They got a mirror for me to look down there because I was desperately needing reassurance that I was making progress. With Tucker, I was in labor for 10-11 hours total, 6 of them on pitocin with no meds, then pushed for 2 hours. You could see his head full of dark hair but he just wouldn't come any further so then came the dreaded c-section. Fast forward to now...When Taylor said "I see her head full of dark hair!!", I was excited but also felt a terrifying sense of deja vu because I heard those words before, but the outcome was devastating the first time. Also in the back of my head was the cholestasis and the potential of having a stillborn child...so I guess you could say I was a spastic loony bin in a glass case of emotion! I wanted my baby in my arms as soon as I possibly could so everything would be okay. When I started being able to really feel her close to crowning, I was more at ease...but for the first bit I was anxious and desperate in a way where you want something so badly and it is so close!

Somewhere in the middle of pushing, someone in the room announced what an awesome playlist I had going! Everyone was laughing and agreeing...and then we went back to business! It was so nice being surrounded by good vibes and just following my body's instinct to know when to push, not having someone tell me to because I was numb from drugs. I could control my exhaustion by taking a break between pushes if I needed to..but I mostly went full force. There WAS a point (and I have no clue why since I wasn't in a crazy amount of pain or anything) where I absolutely NEEDED to pinch something LOL. On my right was Megan, on my left was Taylor. I made a quick decision that my hubby is forced to love me no matter what so I screeched "I NEED TO PINCH SOMETHING!" and grabbed his stomach with my whole hand and squeeeeeezed! He was a trooper about it! :)

When Quinn started to crown, there was a point where I really felt like my lady business was about to rip straight UP (eek!) and I told Hannah thats what it felt like. She told me to try to hold off pushing for a second if I could while she did some massage/wiggling magical fairy voodoo technique that made Quinn in a better position to prevent tearing! The final 2 pushes were the best thing ever, I felt like I was at the top of a rollercoaster right before you drop... or the last inning of the World Series game 7 where everyone is cheering and on the edge of their seat. The excitement was palpable and I KNEW my Quinn was about to make her debut!!! When she came out, it was surreal! Any fear or uncomfortable feeling vanished. 7 pounds and 15 ounces of chunky baby came right to my chest covered in all the good gooey birth stuff and I loved it!! She was alive and I got the birth I had been wanting since I got pregnant with Tucker. I held her and told everyone "I DID IT!!! I GOT MY VBAC!!"

Victory!

We all talked and stared at Quinn while waiting for the umbilical cord to stop pulsing and Taylor got to cut it. Come to find out, the cord was wrapped around her neck when she came out, but I think since I was so desperate for everything to go well that my midwife didn't want me to worry unnecessarily at the time. Taylor and I didn't even notice. Afterward, we all talked and laughed about EVERYTHING, mostly in disbelief about how freaking fast and furious everything went down (2.5 hours after breaking my water)! Megan ordered me a sandwich and even fed it to me like the birthing goddess I am (JK), which was awesome because I was ravished. Taylor kept saying how proud he was of me and how he was totally in awe of the birthing process, my body and strength. You can see the love in his eyes in almost every picture! I love how present and genuine he is in every experience...not to mention supportive of the things I am passionate about.

Quinn looked totally different than Tucker did since she had to squish all her chub through the birthing canal so I kept saying she looked like a potato. LOL. I sound awful, of course I thought she was amazing and beautiful but she was just so...round and squishy!

Literally the WORST, most painful part of EVERYTHING from start to finish was the nurse pushing on my belly every 15 minutes after delivery!! WHY GOD, WHY!? Have you ever seen the 40 Year Old Virgin where Steve Carrell gets his chest waxed and yells out strange things in the midst of his pain? Thats how I felt ..."aaaagh KELLYCLARKSON!!" Like I said, super sweet nurse but I wanted to seriously Ronda Rousey her face every time she pushed down! UGH.

It may not seem like much to other people but having a vaginal birth after a cesarean (and hunting for someone who would let me even attempt it) was probably one of the most rewarding things I have ever done! I didn't advertise on my personal Facebook that I was attempting a VBAC, much less a natural one mainly because there's always the chatty Cathys condescendingly smirking while saying "trust me, honey you'll be begging for an epidural!" or spouting false outdated information on how dangerous VBACs are over a repeat Csection. Also, If something didn't go as planned, and my body truly couldn't birth a baby (like I was made to believe the first time around) I didn't want to hear "told ya so" or "E for effort champ, a healthy baby is all that matters." Can I just say ...YES, a healthy baby matters OF COURSE, but women deserve to have positive birthing experiences. It's one moment a mother will always remember, I think we should shoot for giving them a better experience than just making it out alive!! Finding providers who actually listen to your concerns and make every attempt at honoring your wishes really makes all the difference! I find it funny that Tucker was 7lbs 2 oz yet Quinn was one ounce short of 8 lbs with a bigger head. Also, I was up walking within a few hours which is the opposite of my other experience.

The next day, my midwife Katie checked my blood work results and it showed that I did, indeed, have cholestasis. The high risk doctor was spot on with wanting to get Quinn out ASAP and Katie very likely saved my daughters life by taking my itchy feet comment seriously!! I am not an alarmist so I didnt plan on bringing the feet thing up at all, it just kinda came out like word vomit. Honestly, I think it was a God thing! God provided me with the right words to say to the right person at the right time! Wowza!

I am so extremely grateful for every person involved in making Quinn's birthday absolutely perfect. And you better believe I sho' did announce my unmedicated VBAC on social media afterward...LOUD AND PROUD (and probably a bit irritating if we're being honest)!! Aside from the disappointment, lengthy recovery time, and postpartum depression I experienced following Tucker's birth, one big reason I wanted to have a successful VBAC was to educate and empower other women who have felt like I did and to share that there are options out there! So many people receive information that its "once a csection, always a csection" and I've already heard from moms wanting more information about the UNT Midwives, doulas, and VBACS! Woohoo!!

**I will do a follow up post this week on Quinn's 21 day NICU stay after being diagnosed with bacterial meningitis.